PART II - 10 MAY 2005 MICROCASSETTE RECORDING TRANSCRIPT

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RESUME PLAYBACK 

PATRON B 
They probably just want — 

PATRON A 
I’ll tell you want they want. They want to “show off” the place — all the “amenities.” 

PATRON B 
Yeah, well — 

PATRON A
They throw up a ceiling fan; call it, “Completely Rehabbed.”
 
PATRON B
 I’d like a ceiling f — 

PATRON A 
Buddy, buddy, buddy: We’re talkin’ a moldy, paper-thin walled, “studio” apartment, barely big enough to pull a futon half way out. My ass it’s “completely rehabbed.” 

PATRON B 
Yeah, I dunno. Completely? I wouldn’t — 

PATRON A 
And on the rare occasion it’s a “rental agent” who’s there to greet you, it’s always somebody who failed, or could only fail, at selling used cars. [Alters voice:] “Oooh, yes, note the Casablanca ‘Stealth’ High Performance ceiling fan. That there’s brushed nickel. With platinum blades. And a hundred-watt Halogen bulb. 
Just...
look at it… 
whirl… 
with such… 
youthful… 
vigor.” 

PATRON B
Ha. 

PATRON A
“And don’t forget the shiny hardwood floors! Stare long enough, and you can almost — almost, just about, almost — see your reflection! I think I see mine now. There. Right there. Don’t you see my reflection? It’s like one of those pictures where you need to blur your vision, or cross your eyes, or both. See? No? Try harder.”

Or, 

“Oooh, just admire, for a moment, the Dupont stain-resistant carpet — installed by the famed Empire Carpet Guy himself! Or so I’m told — hee, hee, hee…!” 

PATRON B
 Hee. 

PATRON A 
“Oh! And before you go, try this brand new light switch. It lights up when you turn it off! Reminds me of orange sherbet. The glowing switch does. Don’t you think? What happened to sherbet? Used to be everywhere.” 

PATRON B 
Yeah. 
I dunno. 

PAUSE PLAYBACK 

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