Hanker

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To celebrate his new gig, Spiffy sprang for crab legs at Queequeg Jr.’s World Famous Crab House. We waited in a large, noisy, crowded room for two hours before a table opened up. Ate my first “soft shell” crab; drank my first glass of guava juice. Tasty? Tasty. Following the meal, Spiffy drove us over to the big, new Knottydart Hotel & Conference Center. We had no business being there, but looking inconspicuous has its perks. Then again, Spiffy’s always spiffier than most. I’m the inconspicuous one—and maybe that’s why Spiffy keeps me around. Some brat was celebrating his bar mitzvah in one of the ballrooms. The theme was The Tonight Show Starring Johnny Carson. Kinda odd, given that this newly minted man was likely born a few years after Carson retired. It makes you wonder how much this brat’s dad missed “Carnac the Magnificent.” There was an open bar, so I picked up a Guinness and followed Spiffy, who’d picked up a Canada Dry, out into an elevator. We wandered into the spacious mechanical room up on the seventeenth floor. This brightly lit space was full of very new and very clean elevator and HVAC equipment. Spiffy said it was the sort of place he’d like to bring a girl (to have sex). Following our trespass through Hotel Knottydart, we drove over to the Pheasant Run Resort. Said resort boasts a golf course, a spa, trails, two swimming pools, “luxurious accommodations,” two restaurants, a bar, a café, a carousel, a Ferris wheel, bumper cars, three rollercoasters, a holodeck, a Batcave, a Fortress of Solitude, and even a professional theatre venue. We tried and failed to sneak into the current production, Gypsy. Somehow, we wound up in a cold, dark wedding tent. Spiffy said he’d like to bring a girl there (to have sex). 

18 March 2007

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