FireVaney

Even after I apply every conceivable precaution, there are times when the microwave will nuke the cheese on my “Great Starts” breakfast sandwich beyond all edibility. Such was the case yesterday morning around a quarter to five. This sight, of the mangled and burned and unchewable brown and yellow glob clinging to the edges of the English muffin sent me over the edge—for I am ALWAYS on edge when made to rise at FOUR-THIRTY A.M. to open a bloody coffee shop. So what did I do? Well… I slammed my fist down on the “Great Starts” breakfast sandwich again and again and again, until cheese and egg and Canadian bacon and English muffin bits clung to the kitchenette cabinet doors and the fridge and all four walls and even the ceiling of my “studio” apartment—which is smaller than a one-car garage. (My bathroom-ette was largely unscathed, save for the single small spatter of egg that stuck to the upper left corner of the mirror.) If nothing else, this mess will make the roaches smile. And who ca...

There are times when, even after I apply every conceivable precaution, the microwave will make the cheese on my Great Starts breakfast beyond edibili IT DRIVES ME NUTS  WHEN I LEAVE WORDS,  NECESSARY WORDS,  OUT OF SENTENCE!  20 January 2001

I want to believe that Canadian bacon is authentically Canadian, just like I want to believe that French toast is authentically French. I want to believe this because I want to believe that Canadians and French folks are gastronomically superior to Americans. As a matter of fact, at this very moment, I am chewing on a scrap of “Canadian” bacon. (And, no, I am not being euphemistic.) Specifically, I’m enjoying a Swanson Great Starts English Muffin with Low Fat Egg Patty, Canadian Style Bacon, and Cheese Light Breakfast Sandwich. Quite filling, I must say. The Dominick’s down the street never stocks enough of them. Come to think of it, that store rarely stocks enough of anything I like. Could it be that I prefer too many popular things? Hm. And all this time I’ve assumed my palate was rather eccentric.  9 January 2001