Anyway, spending money, of course, is easier than checking a book out of the library. Because then you have a deadline. Also, you have to figure out the Dewy Decimal System.

At Borders, on the other hand, everything’s arranged topically and alphabetically. Which really is great. But with the Dewey Fuckin’ Decimal System—even if I’ve written down the exact categorized combination of numbers, letters, and decimal points—I STILL need a snooty librarian to find the book. And that’s assuming I can even locate a librarian in the place.

It’s as if, at a library, they don’t want you to find the book. Don’t get me wrong—I’m REAL happy the Card Catalog is, for many libraries, a thing of the past. But why can’t the library be arranged like a Borders, or a Barnes & Noble?

There must be a logical reason.
But can’t logical reasons be logical and stupid at the same time? No? Doesn’t the Dewy Decimal System seem to defy common sense? Of course, of course, I’m speaking from a position of tremendous ignorance. But I still gotta think: USED OR NEW—NO FUCKING BOOKSTORE ON THE PLANET (not that I’ve visited them all) USES THE DEWEY FUCKING DECIMAL SYSTEM.

Frankly, I think it makes librarians feel superior to the rest of us. Because they know how it works. If nothing else, they can hold that over us. Yes, librarians make me feel stupid. And though I am stupid, I don’t need reminding.


Or maybe that’s the point—librarians want to make you feel stupid because, then, you should feel inclined to read more, and, thus, learn more.

Ahhh…

Soooo sneaky, those librarians...

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