Graduation Letter (Rough Draft)

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Dear Scáthach, 

Does the name Polonius ring a bell? He was a wise fool. Had he survived Hamlet’s rapier, he might’ve lived long enough to share the following sage advice* with you… 
  • There are two little words that will open a lot of doors for you: “Push” and “Pull.” 
  • If at first you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. 
  • When everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane. 
  • The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese. 
Do you remember the time we robbed that bank? Oh. Wait. No. I was with Cúnait. Never mind. Before you came along, she was something of a wild child; not at all the demure, prudish saint she is today. But forget I mentioned it. (Of course, if you ask her, she’ll deny it.) 

Do you remember stealing my sippy cup? Near the turn of the 20th century, my great grandmother, Avdotya, sailed across the Atlantic Ocean, all the way from Russia, with that very sippy cup and, other than the clothes on her back, nothing else. That same sippy cup had been in her family for seven and a half generations. Show it off to the appraisers on “Antiques Roadshow” and they’d tell you that it’s a priceless artifact. Truly, it belongs in The Louvre! 

Do you remember the time we walked Gracie down to Radhanagar Beach? Do you think she remembers it? Did you know that dogs aren’t allowed on that beach? I bet you did. I didn’t. 

I’ll close the same way Dan Rather would end many of his CBS Evening News broadcasts, by stating quite simply and somewhat inexplicably: “Courage.” 

Luv, 

Uncle FV 

*Note that, in so doing, he’d be ripping off several well-known comedians. Also note that, to’ve lived so long, he'd have had to be a vampire. (Exempli gratia, Stack and Mary in Sinners.) 

April 19, 2026

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