Forlorn Cacti

For your amusement (or disgust), please find hereunder a recent exchange of text messages... 

MA
U left you’re plants [plant emoji] their worried [frowny emoji] 

ME
What makes you think they’re worried? 

MA
Because they said 

ME
What makes you think they’re sad? 

[She sends a photo of a potted baby cactus and a potted baby succulent sitting on a window sill.] 

MA
Because they’re looking out the window for you 

ME
How do you know they’re not facing you? 

MA
Because they said, 
“where’s [FireVaney]?” 
Did u forget them? 

ME
They’re TALKING?! 

MA
Did u 

ME
They’ve never spoken to me. 

MA
Why of course 

ME
They must like you more. 

MA
Did u forget them? 
I told them u can go home tomorrow 

ME
Well they just sent me this text: “On second thought, we’d like to stay.” 

MA
Really 

ME
Cacti are very tech savvy. 

MA
You’ll have to apologize forgetting them 

ME
But they said, via text, that they want to stay. 

MA
U don’t want them 
Now they’re really said 
Sad 

ME
How do you know? 

MA
I told u they told me 

ME
If they’re speaking to you, then, obviously, they prefer your company. 

MA
U don’t want them? 
I might kill them 

ME
Are they talking because they’re afraid of you? 

MA
No they miss u 
They want to know if you forgot about them 

ME
They miss, if anything, their Saturday watering. 

MA
Oh an they wait until tomorrow 
Can they wait 
Should I spray them 

ME
They can wait. It takes patience to be a cactus. 

MA
So they’ll b better with u I’m impatient

ME
True. 

MA
I’ll tell them you said hello 
Maybe that will tied them over 

ME
Thanks. You’re a [emoji of a peach]. 

MA
Better than a [emoji of a cactus]. 

December 11, 2021



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