Forlorn Cacti

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For your amusement (or disgust), please find hereunder a recent exchange of text messages... 

MA: 
U left you’re plants [plant emoji] their worried [frowny emoji] 

ME: 
What makes you think they’re worried? 

MA: 
Because they said 

ME: 
What makes you think they’re sad? 

[She sends a photo of a potted baby cactus and a potted baby succulent sitting on a window sill.] 

MA: 
Because they’re looking out the window for you 

ME: 
How do you know they’re not facing you? 

MA: 
Because they said, 
“where’s [FireVaney]?” 
Did u forget them? 

ME: 
They’re TALKING?! 

MA: 
Did u 

ME: 
They’ve never spoken to me. 

MA: 
Why of course 

ME: 
They must like you more. 

MA: 
Did u forget them? 
I told them u can go home tomorrow 

ME: 
Well they just sent me this text: “On second thought, we’d like to stay.” 

MA: 
Really 

ME: 
Cacti are very tech savvy. 

MA: 
You’ll have to apologize forgetting them 

ME: 
But they said, via text, that they want to stay. 

MA: 
U don’t want them 
Now they’re really said 
Sad 

ME: 
How do you know? 

MA: 
I told u they told me 

ME: 
If they’re speaking to you, then, obviously, they prefer your company. 

MA: 
U don’t want them? 
I might kill them 

ME: 
Are they talking because they’re afraid of you? 

MA: 
No they miss u 
They want to know if you forgot about them 

ME: 
They miss, if anything, their Saturday watering. 

MA: 
Oh an they wait until tomorrow 
Can they wait 
Should I spray them 

ME: 
They can wait. It takes patience to be a cactus. 

MA: 
So they’ll b better with u I’m impatient

ME: 
True. 

MA: 
I’ll tell them you said hello 
Maybe that will tied them over 

ME: 
Thanks. You’re a [emoji of a peach]. 

MA: 
Better than a [emoji of a cactus]. 

December 11, 2021



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