S T R E A M # 5

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Ok, so, there’s a dog with a knife in the backyard. He’s holding the neighbor hostage. He wants bigger bones to bury – the dog does. And the neighbor happens to have big bones. That’s the claim he’s made, anyway, that he’s a “big boned” man. (Rather than fat.) I don’t want to give the dog bigger bones. He’s only half-buried the medium-sized bones I’ve tossed out. So I think the dog is being a snot-nosed scumbag. Well, he’s not really a scumbag. He’s a cute pooch. But he may well be snot-nosed – a spoiled snot-nosed pooch. And I can relate. My stepfather thinks I’m spoiled and snot-nosed – and I do blow my nose quite a bit. So I can relate to the dog – but only up to a point. Although I am hairy, I am not canine. I have no tail to wag. But the dog is being irrational. I, too, am often irrational. That said, I would never hold a knife to anybody’s throat. At least not in any premeditated sense. I don’t dig that sort of behavior. Too much guilt involved. Violent behavior results in guilt. Usually, it does. Some people don’t have guilt. Such people commit crimes. Or they might experience guilt, but only mildly, and then the guilt subsides. I have guilt which has subsided, but then there’s also guilt that will never subside. Meanwhile, the dog holds the neighbor hostage in the backyard. A SWAT team has arrived. It is preparing to converge. They have orders to shoot to kill. (Don’t ask me how I know.) What do they care about a spoiled, snot-nosed mutt? The dog don’t pay taxes. It hasn’t the wherewithal to mount a legal defense. And it doesn’t have the right to an attorney. Well, perhaps under certain conditions it does, what with all them animal rights activists out there like Marry Tyler Moore. Isn’t she an animal rights activist? Better check that. Better check anything I’ve written here about real people and actual events. I don’t fact check. It’s not important. Not here. Besides, facts are subject to change. They’ve said the world is not round, but oval, haven’t they? One day, they’ll say it’s a cylindrical. They’ll say the photos from outer-space are wrong because the technology wasn’t advanced enough at the time. Or they’ll say: Oops! Our bad, the world is a cube. They’ll say: When you factor in interdimensional and/or extradimensional travel, the Earth is more a cube than it is anything else. You wait and see. Everything is subject to the demands of Fashion. I don’t have a nail clipper with me but if you ask the lady at the desk I’m sure she could bark at you for five crumpets or a bottle of nail polish. You’re afraid to ask, I know. But her bark is worse then her banana split. I am not afraid when I’m here. But when I leave, I’m not afraid when I’m here. So, best to stay where I’m not out there. The time has gone. The time is fun. The bottom is here.

April 10, 2008

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