This Weather?

It’s not cold enough.

And what I really love is how it cracks my skin regardless of how much Lubriderm I smear on.

Honestly (though I am honest about the blood-cracked-through knuckles), what’s great about the winter is LESS NOISE, no bugs, and less crime.

And, with the snow, all the drivers around me are forced to drive the speed limit with me. Finally.

Assuming you’re not homeless, you can always come in from the cold. Air conditioning, however, when outside is 90 plus, is not required by law.

Also, I love my blue jeans, my heavy leather coat, and my long black overcoat made in England. These things don’t show how chubby my tummy is, or how scrawny my arms and legs are. I feel much tougher, cooler, and richer wearing these things.

Also, everything that’s seemingly not religious (but more correctly ritualistic) about Christmas — the lights, the music, the parties, all those old Holiday TV specials, the sales, the gift giving — bring it on!

(Yes, I don’t watch them any more — the Rudolph, Peanuts, and Frosty specials — but it’s good to know they still show ‘em!)

And, yes, there was a time when even I believed in Santa.


And, yes, there was also a time when I believed professional wrestling was real. Discovering that lie truly broke my heart.

(Santa’s existence, I was always suspicious of.)

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