Time Management

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We regret to report that we’ve replaced your newish Timex digital alarm clock (id est, the one with the recorded water and forest sounds) with your grandmother’s ancient Westclox (id est, the one with the slowly sweeping second hand and orange sherbet-colored “Dialite”). This ought to serve as an vitally important reminder: Whilst the complication—any complication—makes money for the capitalist, one often finds comfort in the simplest of things. (exempli gratia, a crisp apple.) This is not to suggest that simple things are perfect. No, no. Set the aforementioned Westclox to buzz its buzz at five o’clock and it will buzz its buzz at four-fifty. But perhaps this “bug” or “feature” wasn’t always so. Whoever wasn’t the early-bird (whether Grandma or Grandpop), they’d left the aforementioned Westclox in the basement to collect dust, mold, rust, and/or other forms of rot. But then it’s entirely possible that it wound up in the basement thanks to its overzealous alarm setting. We’ll never know. Neither Grandma, nor Grandpop, mentioned the aforementioned Westclox Dialite; and, alas, insofar as we’re aware, neither Grandma, nor Grandpop, kept diaries. Even if either, or both, had kept diaries, it is highly unlikely that they would’ve noted the curious malfunctioning quirk of their Westclox. Surely—or rather hopefully—Grandma and/or Grandpop would have had more interesting tidbits, musings, and anecdotes to record for posterity. On the other hand, Grandpop was an accountant by trade (albeit for the mob—or at least for one mobster—and for one or two other crooked business magnates); and Grandma was a housewife (albeit a trained actress) who spent her days watching gameshows and soap operas. Anyway, anyway, at the moment, this moment, the aforementioned Westclox is set to buzz at four-fifty (apparently), the Samsung cell phone is set to chime at five-thirty, and the Aiwa CX-NA30 compact stereo system with Super T-Bass is set to blare at six on the dot. And, lest you forget, your Casio wristwatch shall beep only when it feels so inclined. True, the aforementioned Timex digital featured a “snooze” option. But, as we all know, it is an option one tends to abuse all too often. 

14 July 2005

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