FireVaney

Pop got up early today. I was awake early, too, but I didn't get out of bed until I heard him lumbering down the stairs.  Usually, I'm downstairs at least an hour before Pop wraps up his morning routine—id est, brushing his teeth, making his bed, dressing, a bit of weight lifting, and a ten-minute walk on his bedroom treadmill. Normally, while he's upstairs doing that, I'm in the kitchen organizing the day's regimen of pills, slicing the banana he takes with his meds (he needs a little banana to help stretch his "smaller-than-average" esophagus), sweeping and/or mopping the kitchen and living room floors, fetching the paper from the driveway, and straightening up his "piles" of letters and financial statements.  Most days, after Pop’s through with the Trib, he spends his waking hours reading financial and business periodicals.  Sometimes, for a change of scenery, I drive him over to the library. There, he reads different financial and business pe...

What are your answers? The answers you provide are few and far between. Worse, your answers bleed ambiguities. That’s right, your answers are the mutilated corpses of an at-large serial killer. In other words, your answers, they have no life. They suck the life force out of every question posed, your answers do. Worse still, your answers embarrass my questions. More oft than not, when you’re around, my questions run for cover! To answer my questions—as to what your answers are—they are deadly, and, thusly, they are worthless. Indeed, worthless. I cannot overstate just how worthless your answers are , but I will try. Your answers have less worth than a single atom in a grain of sand. And you may ask, “How many atoms in a grain of sand?” And I may answer (correctly), “Quintillions.” And I will have you know, sir, that there are more atoms in a single grain of sand than there are grains of sand on all of the beaches on the entire planet! But, sir, your answers provide no hope. Your an...

“I leaned over the edge of the bed and saw the shine of metal biting off pieces of gum I knew by heart.“ — Ken Kesey , One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 

This vertigo, it’s been going on since last Wednesday. It was at its worst last Thursday, when I went to the hospital. The doctors and nurses set me up with an IV drip, they set me up with a CAT scan, they set me up with an MRI, they also set me up with a bottle of meclizine. And, yes, the entire ordeal warranted the use of three comma splices. And the doctors, they let me go home when they couldn’t find a tumor. Instead, the doctors, they think I’ve got an “inner ear virus.” That, or there’s a “stone” in there... that’s too small to see, I guess. And if in the next few days it doesn’t go away or roll out on its own? The follow-up internist says I’ll have to go back for another MRI. All of this might make one wonder: Is the practice of medicine simply the practice of educated guesswork? I’m allowed to take the meclizine “2 or 3 times a day as needed,” but I’m avoiding it. I’m worried about constipation; I’m worried about fattening up. I haven’t been to the gym since last Wednesday. Dri...

It is important to remind one of the purpose. The purpose if not to get it straight is not to end with the prologue to the séance. No: Lie not in the forest with the naked bears every morning. No: So this time you won’t want to bite down on the necks of the precious needles. No! I want to state the purpose. But I follow with right might the happening of every mistake. So, I, thus, avoid getting to the point. The purpose is to get the brain to ignite. When this is going well, thine brains tingle. And by thine I mean mine. Mine brains tingle when this is going well. My brains tinkle. Brain tinkle. This is a good thing. How could it be a bad thing? The faster I write the more mine brain tingles. And/or tinkles. This is true. So when the next boob takes his turn at the babe she’ll shut up at the dock. Why? I would want to not eat. No! I DO NOT want to use the words “eat” “tomato” “dog” “cat” “tree.” No more of eating! No more of food! No more of the plant-life, of the vegetables, of the ve...