S T R E A M # 2 1

Dude, just. Knock it off. Would’ja? Just. Please. It’s really stupid. Really, it is. Why continue to beat around the bush? Why not come straight out with it? Yes, yes. I know. Who doesn’t? That’s right: You’re very accomplished, dare I say extremely accomplished, at beating around the bush. Aren’t you? Yes, you are. Admit it. You are. Admit it! You. You. Beater Around The Bush, you. Why is this? What has made you this way? I would remind you to tell your mother that she sat on the bench near the bush when she was pregnant with you. But I daresay she recalls the experience. You claim to remember it as if it happened yesterday. But it didn’t happen yesterday, did it? No. If it happened at all, it happened nearly thirty-six years ago! Me? Pshaw! I remember nothing. I do my best to forget everything. In so doing, I can’t be hurt. I can’t be touched. (Not by the law, anyway.) I can plead ignorance. Because it is, in fact, true: that saying, you know, about: ignorance and bliss. Why, after all, do you think nobody is watching the news or reading the newspapers? TELL ME! TELL ME! Why, after all, do you think they’d all rather watch people making arses out of themselves on YouTube? Those kids know what to do. They know how to have fun. They know how to cut loose. Footloose. Every generation figures out how to have more fun. And tonight you’re going to take Pop and Betty to temple. How charitable of you. Well, it’s not really charity. You’re doing your job. And then, later, maybe fireworks in the woods – literally, fireworks – not figuratively or symbolically. There’ll be no sex tonight. Unless, of course, you’re being misled. Which means, then, of course, you’re going to be sodomized. But we both know how unlikely that is. HEY! INTERNET RADIO AD: I DON’T FUCKING CARE ABOUT WHY I GET DARK CIRCLES UNDER MY EYES! Maybe, MAYBE, I think dark circles are sexy. Which reminds me: Why the fuck are there so many fucking nail salons?!? Over the last decade nail salons have sprung up all over the place like Starbucks cafes and cell phone stores. I get the coffee and I get the cell phone retailers. I mean, I understand them, why they’re there. But this nail salon glut is ridiculous! From all outward appearances this country is becoming increasingly superficial. Sure, sure, I prefer the clean nail to the dirty nail – I even prefer the shiny nail to the dull nail. But you know what? Your fucking fingernails (so long as they’re clean) are the last fucking things I’m going to notice about you. Or is it that you’re trying to draw my attention away from something else? I don’t care. Don’t get me wrong. A pretty, shiny fingernail is nice. It’s as nice as a rose. It’s as nice as a freshly cut lawn. I don’t know. It’s really not important. Then again, does a pretty, shiny fingernail indicate some kind of test? If I don’t notice and compliment it, do I fail? IS THAT HOW YOU JUDGE SOMEBODY?!? On whether or not they notice all of your surface-level characteristics and accessories?!? Well that just bites. Fine. You have the most lovely nails I’ve ever laid eyes upon. Wanna get married? Bottom reached. 
13 June 2008

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