New Car Smell Addicts

Ma and Stepdude traded in their new SUV for a newer SUV. Ma swears this one will be the last one. But that’s what she said about the last one and the one before that. Seems like Ma and Stepdude jones for a new SUV every time the Earth tilts. Doesn’t help that they’re both hooked on TV, that the TV’s always on, and that Stepdude’s a lifetime subscriber to Car & Driver magazine. It’s a game they play, dreaming up the rationale to trade in whatever new car they own. The last one gave Ma a rash. (Supposedly.) 

Ma goes, Dust mites. 
I go, That what the doctor said? 
Ma goes, He’d say, “Don’t bug me about dust mites.” 
So I go, Second opinion? 
Ma waves me off. Then scratches her leg. 

So I go, You fix the Electrolux? 
And Stepdude, he goes, I think we tossed it. 

Ok. So. How ‘bout a new one? 
A new car
A new Electrolux. Or a Hoover. 
Pshaw! Maybe when we pay off the Hummer. 

(Ok, maybe not “Pshaw!” But that was the intention.) 

Together, Ma and Stepdude earn just enough, maybe, to buy a used SUV once or twice a decade. 

Ah, the curse of good-enough credit. 


Nothing will. 
Beyond the brief respite, 
humans get bored. 

11 May 2000

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