S T R E A M # 1 7
She thinks she can get away with murder when the clock strikes three because that’s when she turns invisible for some inexplicable reason. It’s something she’s struggled with all of her life – this odd, God-given talent that only occurs between the hours of three and four o’clock. Yes, that’s twice a day, between three and four AM and three and four PM. Twice a day, for an hour, for the hour specified, she simply vanishes. Up until recently she hasn’t figured out where she goes, either; but she always returns to the exact same spot. At first, when she was but a child, she thought that her brothers were playing some kind of practical joke on her. Somehow, they’d sneak into her bedroom (or wherever she was) and change the clock and her Minnie Mouse watch. Somehow, they’d be able to do this without her knowing it. And she would hit them. She would pop back into reality, hunt them down and beat them. Her brothers began to fear her – particularly, of course, around four AM and four PM. And her brothers learned to wake from their slumber minutes before four AM and hide – sometimes running into their parents’ bedroom. But their mother and father never blamed their daughter. They always thought that their boys were naturally mischievous. So, after a time, the boys would lock themselves in the bathroom minutes before four AM. And their sister would bang and scream on the door. And their parents would accuse the boys of being cruel because, naturally, they assumed their daughter simply wanted to pee. Years passed, and it began to occur to her that she was the problem. She was kicked off the high school volleyball team because, apparently, she ditched practice so much. Later, as a young, sexually adventurous woman, she couldn’t understand why guys would get so mad at her for “leaving” and then “returning” at such an early hour. They demanded to know, “Was this a One Night Stand, or not?!?” Guys, after all, just want to have it clear in their heads. And now, she contemplates murder (all those bastard ex-boyfriends). And robbing banks (to support her sock puppet buying habit). So she’s sought to concentrate on where she goes when she leaves. And, now, she knows. She goes to a cemetery – between the hours of three and four AM & PM. And at that cemetery, she meets with others who have become detached from time. And the gravediggers explain to her that they’re on strike. An undertaker shoves a shovel into her hands. And, for that hour, twice a day, she is made to do the gravediggers’ work. But she discovers that she enjoys this manual labor. After all, it’s so much more meaningful than simply galloping along on the treadmill watching “Extra” or “Inside Edition.” That, and she’s dropped several dress sizes. When she explains this to the gravediggers (her pleasure to do the work free of compensation), they are not amused. After all, they’re holding out for better health benefits and a bigger pension plan. And, so, having confessed her pleasure to do their work, she no longer vanishes between the hours of three and four AM & PM. Moral? If you really want to be invisible, keep your head down and your mouth shut. Bottom (and then some) reached.
9 June 2008