What I said before? About acting rich? Hogwash.

I “clean up” well enough, but if I open my mouth, forgetaboutit.

In wealthy settings, as with middle class or impoverished settings, just about everything out of my mouth is mush. This is why I’m always better with a script.

Everything I ever say to you is the roughest of drafts. Often, my revisions, while reflecting on our conversation(s) many hours or days later, are much more insightful and amusing.

If only you could wait for me to get to the fourth or fifth draft of any given topic. Then, I’d show you some real social intercourse.

Fortunately for me, you’ve settled for my mush. And I am eternally grateful.

Still, I look sharp in a suit. Even though my preference is always for the 100% cotton-white tattered NYC T-shirt, and the 95% cotton, 5% spandex-black, holes-in-the-pockets-and-one-little-one-in-the-rear shorts you’ll usually find me wearing — should you ever surprise-visit me where I reside. This is my year-round at-home getup. And it doesn’t even include socks.

Yes, it’s Saturday night. And all the action around here is going on in the washer and dryer. All that fabric having hot, wet, intertwining fun… How could I not be envious?

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